Years ago, there was this couple that I knew. I really wanted to be their friend, but they were not that friendly toward me. They were cordial and would say "hello" whenever we saw each other, but it just seemed like there was always something that was keeping them from accepting and approving me. I just could not understand it because I went out of my way to try and win their approval. I introduced them to friends of mine. In fact, one connection led to them starting a business together. You would think they would have been appreciative and would have at least been friendly toward me, but still, nothing. Eventually, they got transferred and relocated to another city. I found people to help them move and even gave them a gift for their new home. But in spite of all that I did, they would never even give me the time of day. And on top of that, a couple of years later, I got word that they were talking bad about me. They thought I hadn´t done enough and hadn´t treated them right. And yet, there was nobody in the world that I had done more for than that couple!
An important lesson I´ve learned in life is not to waste my time and energy on others who do not want to like me or accept me. That´s precious energy that´s being wasted. If we´re going to live in total victory, we have to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like us or agree with us.
I´ve known people that have spent years and years trying to win the approval of someone, playing up to them, sacrificing their own identity and goals in an effort to impress a boss or trying to win over one of their critics. The problem is that person is never going to give them their approval.
An interesting statistic I saw said that 25% of the people you meet won´t like you and never will; 25% won´t like you but could be persuaded to; 25% will like you but could be persuaded not to; and 25% will like you and stand by you no matter what.
Life gets a lot freer when we realize, "If this person doesn´t like me, if they don´t want to be my friend, if they don´t give me the time of day, no big deal. I´m not going to get upset. I´m not going to spend the next two years frustrated, trying to win them over. I realize they´re one of the 25% that are never going to like me. I could compliment them every hour, send them flowers every day, mow their lawn every week, but this person is never going to like me."
Here´s the key: don´t waste your valuable time and energy playing up to them, trying to change their mind, trying to convince them that you´re important. Those are distractions. You don´t need their approval to be who God made you to be. You don´t have to have them accept you. If you will let that go and not get involved in battles that don´t matter and are wasting your valuable energy; then God will not only send you people that accept and approve you, but He´ll send people that celebrate you, your talents, your personality and your accomplishments. They will love you for who you are. You won´t have to constantly be trying to prove yourself, walking on eggshells, hoping that you´re good enough. You can just relax and be who God made you to be, and they´ll think you´re the greatest thing in the world.
It´s like when I was growing up. In my grandmother´s eyes, I could do no wrong. Once, somebody ate the chocolate chip cookies before dinner. Who was it? "Not my darling Joel," she´d say. "It may have been one of his three sisters, but I know Joel would never do that." My sisters used to get so aggravated! They´d say, "Grandmamma thinks Joel is a saint."
But that´s the kind of people God wants to bring you, people that are for you, people that believe the best, people that celebrate who you are.
Here´s something important; quit wasting your time trying to win somebody over that´s never going to be won over. Quit trying to make somebody love you that are never going to love you. Quit trying to persuade them to be your friend when they´re never going to be your friend. If you have to constantly play up to them and convince them you´re important and talk them into spending time with you, that is a battle that´s not worth fighting. You need to have the attitude, "I know I have something great to offer. I am one of a kind. I have a great personality. I have the right looks. And I´m not going to live my life trying to make people love me, trying to convince them that I´m good enough. I´m going to let that go and start trusting God to bring me divine connections, people that will celebrate who I am."
One reason people will never accept us is because they´re so insecure. They´ll never give you a compliment, never let you in their group because they´re intimidated and threatened by you. The way they express that insecurity is to try and push you down so they will look bigger. They minimize so they can equalize. They will diminish who you are, what you have to offer, and your accomplishments so they won´t look so small. You´re never going to change people like that. That´s a battle that´s not worth fighting. If you´ll let it go, God will bring people into your life that add value rather than take it away, people that will celebrate who you are and be happy for you when you succeed, not people that find fault and who get jealous.
I wish I had known back then with that couple what I know now, that I don´t have to play up to people. I would have preserved a lot of my energy! I would have realized that that couple definitely was not the 25% that celebrate me! You don´t have to convince others to like you. You don´t have to buy people off. If they don´t want to be your friend, just have the attitude, "Too bad for you. You don´t know what you´re missing out on."
When I quit fighting those battles, that´s when God began to bring people into my life that would celebrate me. It wasn´t long after that that I met Victoria. She celebrates me and I celebrate her.
Remember, we don´t have to fight battles to prove to people who we are, try to win over our critics, be someone we´re not, or play up to someone to get them to like us. We just need to be ourselves and save our energy for the relationships that truly count and are divinely connected.
JOEL OSTEEN
Joel Osteen is pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas — a vibrant and diverse church that Forbes calls the largest and fastest-growing congregation in America. Joel shares a positive message of hope and encouragement that extends all around the world. This message reaches all across America and 100 nations of the world. Joel's books, Your Best Life Now and Become a Better You, quickly became a #1 New York Times Bestsellers and are distributed worldwide in several languages.