The scripture says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." That's saying your friends are great. We all need them, but there's something special about your own family—your brothers, your sisters, your mom, your dad, your aunts, your uncles. They were born to be with you in the tough times. And when things get difficult, we have to learn to pull together as a family. When times are tough, we count on our family to be loyal, to be there for us. But unfortunately, if there's one quality that seems to be lacking in our society, it's loyalty. The words respect, honor, duty, integrity—we don't hear too much of that anymore. And sadly, many people are only out for themselves. They don't stick up for their family and friends. They'll stab somebody in the back in order to get ahead. They're not honorable. They think nothing of criticizing people, bad-mouthing their boss, bad-mouthing their country. Loyal people are respectful of their country and leaders. They don't go around bad-mouthing people in authority. Loyal people honor their parents. They defend their family. They defend their friends. When you're loyal, you stick up for people, and you defend people even to a fault.
Anybody can jump on that old negative, critical, fault-finding bandwagon. That's easy. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a fair-weathered friend and family member. "I'll be with you in the good times. But God bless you and good luck in the tough times. You're on your own." No, I'm going to stick with you through thick and thin. When you're loyal, you'll be with somebody on the mountaintop celebrating their victories, and you'll still be with them in the valley defending their honor, fighting for them. That's what it means to be loyal.
There's a scripture in Proverbs that says, "Have you heard a word against your neighbor? Then let it die within you." I like that. It's saying, "You heard any good gossip lately? Have you heard anything bad about your neighbor, your friends, your family, your pastor? Here's what you need to do: bury it. Don't spread it. Don't pass it on." You have a duty to keep it quiet. You have a duty to put a stop to it. And they may be wrong, but a loyal person doesn't go around bad-mouthing. A loyal person helps restore.
We need to especially make sure that we are loyal to our own family members. Stick up for your brothers, your sisters, your aunts, your uncles, your relatives. You may not agree with everybody in your family. You probably don't. Some of them may get on your nerves. Some of them may be kind of loose. There may be some that their elevator doesn't go all the way up. But if somebody is talking about one of your family members, it is your duty to put a stop to it. Don't you dare let them get you all stirred up to where you join in, and before long, you're airing out all your family's dirty laundry. No, we should always be positive and honoring toward our family. It doesn't matter if they're the laziest, most undisciplined scoundrel around, you should never portray them in a negative light. That's your blood.
I've seen people that when somebody starts talking about their family, they just jump on the band wagon. "Oh, yeah, man, I know what you mean. They've been a jerk for years. You should see what I've had to put up with. Let me tell you some more stories about them." No, you have a responsibility to put a stop to it. And I'm not saying to make excuses for them. But you can say something like, "You know, I know they've got some issues, I know they're a little bit different. But they're growing. They're making progress. I love them. Down deep they're a good person." That's your family. Be loyal; take up for them. Always be positive and honoring toward your own family. And no matter how tempted you are to get upset at them, no matter how different they may be, never make the mistake of airing out your dirty laundry from your family with other people. If you tell it to somebody, they're going to tell it to somebody else. And before long, the whole world will be talking about your family's problems and that only makes it worse.
Well you say, "Joel, you don't understand my situation. My brother borrowed money from all of us and now he can't pay us back and we're all upset." Or "My father ran off and married another lady. He messed our family up." Well, that's unfortunate, but it's still your family. It's easy to kick people when they're down. It's easy to be judgmental and say, "I told you so" and just shut somebody out of your life. But the honorable thing to do is to help restore that person. The honorable thing to do is to help bring peace back in your family. After all, they've got enough people pushing them down; at the least they should be able to count on their own family.
I hope you have a good family, but even if you don't, start sowing some seeds. I know I've been blessed in my family. I believe I have people around me that would die for me: my wife, my brothers, sisters, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law. I really believe they would defend me to their dying day. I mean I could go out here and rob a bank this afternoon or steal a car and they're going to tell you, "Ah, Joel, he was just borrowing it. He just wanted to help somebody else." Now behind closed doors, they're going to tell me to get my act together. But in front of everyone else, my family thinks I can do no wrong. They're loyal. They're going to defend me. They're going to stick up for me. And if we can't count on our own family to be with us in our times of need, who can we count on?
I remember one time years ago, I went through a difficult time in my life. A little setback. I was kind of down and discouraged thinking that everybody was against me. And about that time, I got a note from my brother, Paul. And he said, "Joel, I just want to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you. I love you. I respect you. I believe in you. I know this time is difficult, but I'm going to be there to do anything I can to help you make it through." That meant so much to me to have that encouragement during that tough time. It strengthened me, and I felt supported.
See, the enemy would love to bring division. He would love to use strife and conflict, jealousy, or bad attitudes to pull us apart. But we've got to rise above that. Brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, relatives—quit bickering over things that don't matter. Get over those petty little differences. Soon, we're all going to be gone. Don't waste years of your life being mad at each other. Your family needs you. You have something that only you can give as a brother, a sister, an aunt, an uncle, a relative. Be there for your family.
When somebody falls when they're down, don't kick them. Don't criticize them. Restore them. Go to them and pour healing oil onto their wounds. Remember, mercy is loyalty in action. And when you're loyal to your family, to your country, to your friends, then in your time of need, you can be assured God will have somebody there for you. God rewards loyalty. Be a person of honor. Don't be a fair-weathered friend and family member. Stay committed. Stick up for each other. Defend your family. If you'll keep sowing those seeds of loyalty, God has promised He'll pour out His blessings and favor, and you'll find that life of victory that He has in store.
JOEL OSTEEN
Joel Osteen is pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas – a vibrant and diverse church that Forbes calls the largest and fastest–growing congregation in America. Joel shares a positive message of hope and encouragement that extends all around the world. This message reaches all across America and 100 nations of the world. Joel's books, Your Best Life Now and Become a Better You, quickly became #1 New York Times Bestsellers and are distributed worldwide in several languages.