One of the keys to forming lasting, healthy relationships is learning to study the people you allow in your life. I have been studying Joel for a long time. In fact, I can remember studying him as early as our second date.
He came over to my house for dinner - and no, that wasn't the last time I cooked for him! We were talking in the kitchen as I was putting the finishing touches on the salad. I started asking him question after question about various Scriptures in the Bible because, after all, he was John Osteen's son, and I thought he'd want to talk about spiritual things. Surprisingly, he didn't seem too interested. At one point in the conversation, I asked him about a specific Scripture and said, "You probably know where that is found," and handed him a Bible. Joel began flipping through the pages, but before long, he put the Bible down without even answering my Bible trivia question.
I was stunned! I said, "I can't believe you don't know where that is found! I thought you'd be a spiritual giant." Joel said nothing and just grinned at me as we carried on with the evening. I found out later, the day after our dinner, he jokingly told all his friends that I had called him a spiritual midget. Of course, that wasn't exactly true, but that's the way he likes to remember it.
But how I remember it is that Joel was not out to impress me with fancy words and lofty knowledge. I later realized Joel had read his Bible every day since he was a little boy and knew more about Scripture than I ever imagined. It's not always what a person says, but it's what he does and how he does it that communicates the most about his character.
As we continued dating, I took every opportunity to study the way Joel treated his family and how he talked about his friends and the people in his life. I observed how disciplined he was and that he was always on time everywhere he went. I noticed how he would always lend a generous hand to the people around him. I took note of the people he surrounded himself with and the things he enjoyed doing. I paid special attention to the way he treated me and talked to me, and he was always consistent in his actions. His example meant more to me than if he would have been able to quote a whole book from the Bible.
It's important to really study and know the people you allow in your life. Actions speak louder than words. If you are single today, take the time to watch a person's life before you give him or her your heart. If you are considering a business deal, take time to learn the character of the person you are dealing with before you make a commitment. Don't ignore the red flags. When questionable character issues show up repeatedly, you should pay attention. Ask yourself, "Could this be telling me something I need to know in the future?"
Even before Joel asked me to marry him, I knew he was the kind of person I wanted to marry because I had studied everything I could about him during the first year and a half we dated. I did my research, and as much as is humanly possible, I felt certain I could live with what I knew about him for the rest of my life.
You can carry that same certainty in your own life regarding your relationship and friendship choices as you take the time to study those you allow in your inner circle. If you need help, ask God. Let God's Word be your guide. James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." As you turn to God's Word and wisdom, you will enjoy the fruit of wonderful relationships.
VICTORIA OSTEEN
A life-long Houstonian, Victoria began her career in her family's business. Now as a supportive wife, mother of two children and a co-pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, TX, Victoria is an inspiration and mentor to women everywhere. She is committed to helping women, children and families discover their purpose and reach their highest potential in Christ.