You're familiar with the Golden Rule, right? Perhaps your mom taught it to you as a child. But did you know that the Golden Rule is found in Matthew 7:12, where Jesus says, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you."
In the light of Jesus' words, we need to carefully choose the words we speak to others because the truth is that we are going to be a product of what we say. We are going to eat from the fruit of our lips (see Proverbs 18:21). Sometimes we just throw caution to the wind with our words, not thinking they're going to return to us! But what you say to and about others is going to affect you.
When I was a young bride, I didn't start out weighing my words carefully. I was used to doing things the way I wanted them done, and I thought Joel should get with the program. I wasn't speaking to Joel the gracious words that I wanted him to speak to me. I'll never forget how God spoke to me one day and said, "Victoria, if you don't begin to choose your words wisely, you're going to be sorry." He basically said to me, "Your own words are going to work against you." It brought tears to my eyes, and I realized just how serious this matter was.
I began to think about the grace I should be extending to Joel with my words. In my heart, I wanted him to be successful, to be confident and believe in himself. I wanted to be the buoy that pushed him up, not the anchor that pulled him down. So I began to say what I wanted to see in him, not what I saw or thought I saw. I began to see the good and bring out the good. To this day I am not perfect in this, but I try to use words that build Joel up and benefit us both. I've found I have to put grace-filled deposits into the account before any grace checks can come out.
You can create the life you want with the words you speak. If you want grace to come to you from others, you have to extend grace. If you extend grace, grace will be extended to you.